Eternal Essence
by angelz921
Summary: Ethan is offering Merit a piece of himself he had never offered another vampire, will she be able to move past her hurt and accept his gift or will a new threat destroy everything he's worked so hard to rebuild.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This is my first published fanfic, please be kind. Chloe Neill owns the characters I'm just taking them for a ride.

Ethan made his way down the hallway, hand paused on the sparring room doors, Lindsay's words still ringing in his ears, "Merit is training liege, she requested today off." he had never known Merit to take a day off let alone spend time in the training room with out a sparring partner, his curiosity peaked he now found himself standing here.

He opened his senses, listening for the sounds of her working, running, something to give him a sign that he hadn't missed her. At the sounds of silence his face dropped a bit, he had been finding it harder and harder to keep his distance from her but he couldn't find the strength to completely walk away. Stolen glances, small excuses to touch her, talk to her, anything to just be with her despite his own ideas of her being a distraction from his duties of Master of Cadogan House; she had become more of an obsession than he was comfortable with admitting.

Slowly he pushed open the door expecting to see nothing but he stopped arrival clenching as his eyes fell upon Merit's body moving gracefully around the floor, earbuds in and music playing he snuck in and slipped behind one of the many pillars that surrounded the room. A rush of guilt slide over his body as he watched his Sentinel, he wasn't sure when along the way she had become his Sentinel but she was now and would forever would be his.

Ethan quietly watched as Merit moved around the room, a mixture between ballet and karate made her equal parts sensual woman and lethal vampire, he felt his eyes turn to quick silver. Merit froze as she sensed the flush of vampire magic permeate the room, pulling out the earbuds she searched the room for him.

"Ethan", her voice a mix of question and concern.

Straightening himself and stealing his face to his business face, he would not let her see what she did to him. His vampire magic might betray him but he'd be damned if his face would. He stepped from around the beam, "Sentinel, I was just looking for you." Liar, liar he chided himself. "Lindsay said you'd might be in here."

"How long where you standing there?" He wondered if she knew he'd been watching her, his odd stance from behind the column couldn't be explained even if he tried.

He faltered, he didn't know how to answer her question so he chose to ignore it. "I", damn it Sullivan, get it together man, "I have something that needs to be delivered to the Ombudsman's office and I figured you wouldn't mind the excuse to visit your grandfather." He hoped it didn't sound as pathetic as it felt, he watched the smile form on her face as she took in his offer to see her grandfather.

"Of course liege." He growled at her acquiescence.

"Meet me in my office in 30 minutes and I'll have it ready for you." Ethan turned on his heal and headed out the door.

Thirty minutes later he had a manila envelope ready, a response to some reports of a rogue vampire breaking into homes of off site vampires. He knew the response should have been followed up via email but after his pour excuse of an out to her question this was all he could come up with. Sealed with the Cadogan crest, Ethan sat back envelope on desk and waitied for Merit to join him.

Moments later Merit walked in, fresh faced and sporting her Cadogan black uniform, he didn't wait for her to sit. Ethan stood up, walked around his desk and perched against the front, his arms folded against his chest.

"When you get done please come find me I would like to discuss something with you."

"Yes my liege." she bowed her head at him.

"Damn it Merit, cut that out!" Ethan barked out, he'd had enough of her obedience, he missed her fight, her challenge, he missed the way she made him feel more than just Master of his house, she made him feel...more.

"Please just let me do my job." Sadness filled her eyes and he had to hold himself together because he knew he had been the one to put it there.

He turned grabbed the envelope of his desk, gave it to her.

"Dismissed.", and with that one word she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Hours later Ethan stepped out of his shower, he had spent the last few hours sparring with Luke, his Guard Captain. Wrapping a towel around his waist he stepped in front of the mirror, he ran a brush through his long hair now almost down to his shoulders. He contemplated cutting it short, the myth that vampires where dead and therefore their hair didn't grow was unfathomable. He had many different styles over his 400 years of life, he always kept coming back to this one.

He knew he was gorgeous, he was even willing to admit that he used it to his advantage more often than not; Merritt however had never been one to fall for his charms but that was one of the things he loved about her. Wait, love? Ethan shook his head, he wouldn't think about that now.

A knock on the door, he inhaled, it was her, his Sentinel; finally back from her grandfather's. "Enter!" he yelled. He opened his bedroom door, standing in the door way to his sitting room he watched as she took him in naked sans a black towel around his waist.

He could see how his body affected her, the smell of arousal permeated the air around them. "I'll come back when you're dressed...more appropriately." Her tone clipped even though her body gave her away.

"Make yourself comfortable Sentinel I'll be with you shortly." he turned around shutting the door behind him, moments later he emerged in black dress pants and a navy blue pullover.

"I delivered your message to my grandfather if there is nothing more I'd like to enjoy what is left of my night." Weariness edged her voice, he wondered if she was as tired of the games as he was.

"Merritt", his let the sadness show through in his voice and his eyes, he let her see just how much he was hurting, how much he regretted telling her he couldn't be with her. "I...I'm sorry." he bit back the tears he felt. "I miss you, I'm an idiot, I know I hurt you and I hate that I put that look of sadness on that beautiful face of yours.

She sat there stunned for a moment, shaking her head of whatever thoughts where going through it. "No. No! You don't get to apologize to me and think that it makes things better, I told you if you walked away from me that I wouldn't be here if you changed your mind." She stood and started for the door.

Before she could blink he was standing in front of her, blocking her exit out of his room. "Merritt, please. Let me finish, if you're feelings are the same then I will not mention this again, I'm asking for 5 minutes of your time."

"Fine, 5 minutes." She sat back down on the black love seat, Ethan taking the seat across from her wanting tho give her the space he knew she would want.

"I will spend the rest of my life regretting the things I said to you that night, there isn't anything that will excuse my behavior. That being said, Merritt I have never in 400 years felt for anyone the way I feel about you."

"What about Lacy Sheridan?" She bit back.

Ethan sighed before he went on. "Lacy was," he paused making sure he got the words right, "she was important to me, I'm not going to lie to you. But I never loved her and I must certainly did not feel for her what I feel for you. The night of the dinner when I stepped in between you and the shifter, I realized that I could never allow another man out his hands on you again. At that moment Pack be damned I would have risked my life to insure your safety, I almost cost us everything we had been working for, what you had built in your time in our house." He got up moving to sit next to her, when she didn't move away or flinch he relaxed slightly.

"I can't live without you, I won't live without you; even if I have to spend the next 400 years proving it to you and I will do so with pride." He said said and he meant it, he took the cowards way out before and now he would not in any way give her less than she deserved.

"Ethan those are pretty words and all and I'm not about to lie to you and tell you that I'm not affected by them. Part of me wants what you have offered in the past, what you are offering right now, whatever it may be but I'm also not about to fall for pretty words from a pretty face only to get hurt when you freak out again." Her voice held what he assumed was false bravado but he could tell she was hiding her painbut he knew how to read his Sentinel.

"They are not just words Merritt, I want to show you exactly what you mean to me and how I will never fail you again." He inched closer taking her hands in his, she flinched but she didn't pull away, he wiped a loose stand of hair away from her face.

"How, how do you plan on showing me Ethan, how do you think you can prove any of this to me?" Her voice was soft, barely a whisper; he could see the tears along the rims of her eyes, barely contained on their perch.

"There is a way, a way I can show you everything." He knew what he was about to offer her was something that was so sacred, so pure that he hadn't heard it done in over a hundred years but he loved her and he knew she was the one.

"What do you mean everything?" She arched an eyebrow and he couldn't help but chuckle.

"You have to do me a favor though, I need you to listen to everything I have to say before you interject. Can you promise me that?" He waited, watching her think about what he asked of her, with a nod he went on.

"There is a way for a vampire to share his or her essence with another, they essentially give a part of their soul to their partner. It allows them to see and feel every memory, feeling, thought and so on that that vampire had ever felt since turning. It's a sacred deed and very few chose to do it as the power it gives to the other person is uninhibited, and as you know vampires are very protective of their power. By doing this Merritt I would be giving you a piece of my very life, you would know every second of my life in its entirety." He put a hand up to stop her, he could see the questions in her eyes.

"I don't do this lightly Merritt, this is something I want to share with you because.."He paused willing his strength,"because I love you and I want to prove to you I am yours forever."

She sat shocked, an unreadable expression on her face. He waited patiently for her to process the information he had given her.

"I...I don't know Ethan, I need to think about this." She got up pulling the warmth of her hands from his.

"Of course, take as much time as you need. If you have questions please ask but for my sake could you..." He trailed off unsure of how to finish the sentence.

"Discretion Ethan, you can say it." She gave him a half smile, not quite reaching her eyes as if she knew what he was thinking.

"Yes, please use discretion when speaking of it."He finished.

And with that she turned and walked out the door.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, meetings with in house vamps, budget reports, emails from the GP. Phone calls, always phone calls; reporters wanting interviews, new suppliers trying to gain house business, sometimes he just wanted to throw the phone across the room.

With dawn approaching he made his way to his room, undressing and crawling into bed he wondered if Merritt had out any thought into his proposal. He bet she would ask Lindsay, they were close and she would no doubt explain exactly how momentous his offer was. He kept several details about the exchange to himself for fear of her response, this was a gift that you could only give to one vampire and after that he would be connected to her for life, if she was too die he would as well; although the same would not occur if he was to die. He was willing to give her his essence because he knew he was well and truly hers.

His last thought where of her as he drifted to sleep, the sun finally pulling him under.


	3. Chapter 3

Ethan woke, he could feel the sun still up; his age allowed him to get up earlier than others even though he rarely showed himself before dusk.

He showered, dressed, checked emails and readied himself for the night. His nerves getting the better of him, he had awoken many times during the day his thoughts on what tonight would bring.

Finally bringing himself to push forward he made his way to his office, he had received an email from the Ombudsman requesting a call at first dark, he could only guess that Merit had questioned her grandfather as well.

Entering his office he sat down starring at the phone as if willing it to make the call for him. With a sigh he picked it up and dialed, "Chuck." was the response as the elderly man answered his phone.

"It's Ethan, you requested a call." His tone all nonchalance.

"Cut the crap Sullivan, you know why I asked you to call me. Now what the fuck are you thinking about asking something like that of my granddaughter?" his tone disapproving but not angry. "You know what you are asking of her by performing that ritual?"

"I only offered myself to her I did not ask for it in return, there is no risk to her." He sounded petulant even to himself.

"Shut it Sullivan, do not take me for some uninformed old man!" The man's voice had begun to raise, "you didn't tell her what would happen to you if she died, that kind of pressure to ask of a person is unfair."

"Chuck, if she died I would not want to live another moment in a world without her, even if that meant sacrificing my house in the process." Ethan was nothing without her and he knew it.

"I have given my granddaughter everything on the ritual, how it's performed, costs to you and to her; she is well and truly informed and the decision is hers." with that the two men said their goodbyes and hung up.

Ethan sat back in his chair, closing his eyes he tried to rub the tension headache that was beginning to form in his neck. A knock on the door jarred him out of his thoughts, "Enter.", he said as he sat up, righting his face to show no sign of his internal distress.

"Leige, do you have a moment?" Lindsay said as she peaked around the office door.

"Of course, what can I do for you?", although he had a good feeling he knew what the conversation would entail.

"May I be frank?", with a nod from him she continued. "Merit came to me last night, I'm not gonna say I didn't see it coming because that would be a lie. I've seen things Ethan, I've seem two outcomes and all I can tell you is you need to take precautions if you share your essence with her. You will be weakened after the exchange and at that time you and the house will be vulnerable, that is not to be taken likely." She knew he knew all this but she also knew that he needed to hear it from someone else.

"Do you think she will go through with it? Will she accept it?" He knew Lindsay would be honest, she always had been brutally honest despite how it might be taken.

"I truly don't know, she loves you that much I do know but you hurt her Ethan and she's gotta be able to trust you. I've explained what very little I know about the ritual and I can tell you I don't know much. She's in the library looking it up, go talk to her." With that Lindsay left.

Ethan made his way to the upstairs library, he knew Merit could get lost in her books for hours. And that's where he found her upon walking in to the library this evening, he rubbed his fingers along the spines of the books on the shelves some soft like silk or velvet others course from years of use.

"Hello Sentinel," he dropped his voice letting it run over her skin like a soft blanket and he watched the back of her body shiver at the sound. A never ending stack of books littered the table in which she sat in front of but she didn't turn around or look up at the sound of her Cadogan title.

"Merit," His voice now husky with the need he was tired of hiding, tired of denying. His hand brushed the hair out of her face, he wanted to see her eyes. "Please love, look at me." he watched as she slowly lifted her gaze to his and he inhaled as he took in her appearance, eyes rimmed in red, dry tear tracks down her face and dark circles under her eyes as if she hadn't slept in ages.

Ethan dropped down to his knees turning her completely so she was fully facing him. "Oh God Merit this is all my fault I am so sorry, if I hadn't been so full of pride I would have never put that look on your face." He pulled her down gathering her into his lap as she began to shake with the tears that again flowed from her eyes.

A creak from within one of the stacks brought Ethan back to the reality of the situation, he gathered Merit into his arms and began the trip back to his rooms. He would not allow anyone to see her in this state, she already felt segregated from her vampire family how would she fell if she was found in such a state as this.

After much finesse and some quick thinking, he was able to make his way to his rooms unseen. He felt undignified at having to hide at one point as passing novitiate's turned a corner that he had been about to round.

Safely in the quiet of his room he made his way to his bed and laid Merit's now sleeping form down. with swift fingers he divested her off her shoes and covered her with a blanket. As he headed out his bedroom for to his sitting room Merit's soft voice stopped him, "Please don't leave."

Ethan turned around walking back to his bed, grabbing her hand and bringing it to his lips, "I need to make a phone call to Malik, I will be right back my love." With a small nod from Merit he left.

Ethan pulled out his phone and made a quick call to his second Malik informing him that he was too handle business for the remainder of the evening and that he was not to be disturbed unless it was deemed truly important.

He turned around walking back into his room, removing his shoes he crawled into bed pulling Merit's sleeping body to his, breathing a sigh of relief when she nuzzeled into his chest. Slowly relaxing Ethan allowed for sleep to suck him under, content with his Sentinel in his arms.


End file.
